Lynne Baab

Praying about the flow of time: Valentine’s Day

Lynne Baab • Wednesday February 12 2025

My father gave my mother an expensive piece of jewelry every year on Valentine’s Day. He died in late 2005. On Valentine’s Day 2006, my brother called my mother to say he was thinking about her on a day when she felt so loved by Dad. I admired my brother’s perception of Mom’s feelings on that day. I have tried to mail her a Valentine’s card every year, something I never thought of doing before my dad died and my brother showed such sensitivity. Mom loves this.

A couple of weeks ago, in an advice column, I read about a widow whose friends contact her on Valentine’s Day to say they are thinking of her. She writes, “They claim that Valentine’s is for everybody, not just couples. I feel otherwise and this just rubs salt into my wounds.” She wonders how to respond.

Gosh, people have such different experiences and perspectives. These two different Valentine’s Day stories connect with some of my complex feelings about the day. What feels meaningful for one person sometimes feels hurtful to another. I’ll lay out some of my thoughts — which are actually mostly questions and wonderings — then make suggestions for how to pray on Valentine’s Day.

Giving or receiving gifts is not the primary love language for my husband, Dave, or for me. I love jewelry, but I want to choose it myself. My parents’ pattern worked well for them, but it wouldn’t work for me. Besides, is the emphasis on gifts on Valentine’s Day one more form of consumerism?

If Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate romance, how do we think about and pray for people who long for romance but haven’t found it? What about couples who have a life partner but no longer feel romance for them because of illness, personality changes with aging, dementia, or some other challenge?

Individuals vary so much in what they consider romantic. The idea of languages of love helps us understand some of these variations. And while romance and love are related, they are not the same thing. I’m sure that some people give assent to the 1 Corinthians 13 characteristics of love while also longing for some romance, while others can’t relate to wanting romance at all. They just want someone to offer to take out the trash.

What is romance anyway? Here’s an online definition: “a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.” For couples who have been together a long time, is it important to try to rekindle those feelings of excitement and mystery? Or is taking out the trash such a powerful manifestation of 1 Corinthians 13 love that feelings of excitement and mystery are irrelevant?

Here’s another online definition, this time of “romantic”: “marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized.” For many of us, we most often meet characters who embody these adjectives in novels, movies, and TV series. Maybe it's crazy to expect relationships with real humans to have those characteristics. Yet, if we engage with fiction in any form, don’t we end up hoping to find a a bit of heroism, adventure, mystery, and idealized life in our own experiences? Two hundred years ago, serious Christians didn’t read fiction because it was viewed as leading people astray. Perhaps cultural ideals of romance turn our attention away from 1 Corinthians 13 love.

For this week’s post, I started down the path of looking at the history of Valentine’s Day, but then I realized my thoughts were more centered on romance, the desire for it, and the wide variety of experiences and longings related to it. Here are some suggestions for how to pray when Valentine’s Day comes to mind.

We can thank God for every instance of love shown in words and actions, for every time we see actions that are patient, kind, and not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). We could also thank God for every time a person we know (or we ourselves), receives love in a way that they perceive to be romantic and satisfying.

And we can pray for people who:

• are lonely
• long for a life partner
• long for something different in their marriage or in other relationships
• feel the absence of a form of romance they desire
• are doing their best to love a difficult spouse
• are caregivers

Communal God, you created us for relationships. Sometimes we are grateful for our relationships yet we find it hard to thank you because we know others are lonely. Sometimes we see other people’s relationships, and it feels like ours fall short. Sometimes novels, movies, and TV shows create longing in us that we don’t know what to do with. In the season of Valentine’s Day, shape our prayers for healthy relationships for ourselves and others.

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Next week: World Day of Social Justice. Illustration by Dave Baab.

Related posts:

• Praying to be present when people change
• Longing for heaven (this post and the next have some connection with The Sacred Romance, an interesting juxtaposition on Valentine’s Day)
• God woos us

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Lynne M. Baab, Ph.D., is an author and adjunct professor. She has written numerous books, Bible study guides, and articles for magazines and journals. Lynne is passionate about prayer and other ways to draw near to God, and her writing conveys encouragement for readers to be their authentic selves before God. She encourages experimentation and lightness in Christians spiritual practices. Read more »

Lynne is pleased to announce the release of her two 2024 books, both of them illustrated with her talented husband Dave's watercolors. She is thrilled at how good the watercolors look in the printed books, and in the kindle versions, if read on a phone, the watercolors glow. Friendship, Listening and Empathy: A Prayer Guide guides the reader into new ways to pray about the topics in the title. Draw Near: A Lenten Devotional guides the reader to a psalm for each day of Lent and offers insightful reflection/discussion questions that can be used alone or in groups. 

Another recent book is Two Hands: Grief and Gratitude in the Christian  Life, available in paperback, audiobook, and for kindle. Lynne's 2018 book is Nurturing Hope: Christian Pastoral Care for the Twenty-First Century, and her most popular book is Sabbath-Keeping: Finding Freedom in the Rhythms of Rest (now available as an audiobook as well as paperback and kindle). You can see her many other book titles here, along with her Bible study guides.

You can listen to Lynne talk about these topics: empathy, bringing spiritual practices to life. Sabbath keeping for recent grads., and Sabbath keeping for families and children.

Lynne was interviewed for the podcast "As the Crow Flies". The first episode focuses on why listening matters and the second one on listening skills. 

Here are two talks Lynne gave on listening (recorded in audio form on YouTube): Listening for Mission and Ministry and Why Listening Matters for Mission and Ministry.

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