Lynne Baab

Grief AND thankfulness: The weaned child

Lynne Baab • Saturday November 9 2019

I have two sons, and I breast-fed both of them. When my older son was 9 months old, the irritations of nursing were growing, so I weaned him. Afterward, I missed nursing so much. I decided with my second son that I would let him nurse much longer. He got bored with it when he was slightly over two and stopped on his own.

In that second year of nursing, my son was able to toddle over to me, climb on my lap, and ask to nurse. After he stopped nursing, he continued to climb into my lap. I felt a difference in him when he sat on my lap before and after weaning.

Before weaning, there was always the possibility of feeding. As my son’s mother, I was a source of comfort to him in myself, to be sure, but that comfort was always connected on some level to me as a source of food. Once he was weaned, the level of contentment in just being with me was different. He had no goal except my presence.

I would not understand Psalm 131 the way I do today without that experience of nursing a child into toddlerhood. Take a look at this short psalm, only three verses.

     O Lord, my heart is not lifted up,
     my eyes are not raised too high;
     I do not occupy myself with things
     too great and too marvelous for me.
     But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
     like a weaned child with its mother;
     my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.
     O Israel, hope in the Lord
     from this time on and forevermore.
          —Psalm 131

I wrote last week about a quotation I discovered that affirms that mature human beings are called to hold grief and gratitude in two hands. For most of 2019, I have been grieving a variety of things, as well as experiencing deep thankfulness for a whole variety of other things and for God’s presence and help with the hard things.

I’ve experienced an inner dialog about grief and thankfulness. I argue with myself that if I’m feeling so sad, I shouldn’t also have so many moments of gratitude and even happiness. And if I’m feeling grateful for so many things, I shouldn’t be so sad other times.

I have realized I engage in continual monitoring and judgment of my thoughts and feelings. I am seeing more clearly the ways this damages my life. In my present challenge of learning to hold grief and gratitude in two hands, my inner self-critical dialogue reduces my ability to rest in God as I experience both of them.

The weaned girl child sitting on her mother's lap is simply present there, not occupying herself “with things too great and too marvelous for me” (Psalm 131:1). She’s not criticizing anything she sees or anything she finds in her own thoughts and feelings. She doesn’t need anything from her mother other than presence and comfort.

I want to grow in being that weaned child in God’s arms. I want to experience grief and gratitude in company with Jesus without judging what I'm thinking and feeling. I want to peacefully enjoy God's presence and leave all judgment in God’s hands.

Next week: another scripture that is helping me in my journey of embracing grief AND gratitude. Illustration by Dave Baab: his sister Connie with her granddaughter.

Notecards with Dave Baab’s art. We have created cards using 32 of Dave’s paintings, and we are selling them as a fundraiser for Plymouth Housing Group, a non-profit in Seattle that addresses homelessness. If you’d like to see a pdf of the images on the cards and consider ordering some, please send me an email at LMBaab@aol.com.

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Lynne M. Baab, Ph.D., is a teacher and writer. She has written numerous books and Bible study guides. Lynne lives in Seattle, and you can contact her at LMBaab [at] aol [dot] com. Read more »

Lynne is pleased to announce the release of her book on midlife, A Renewed Spirituality: Finding Fresh Paths at Midlife, for kindle. Her 2018 book is Nurturing Hope: Christian Pastoral Care for the Twenty-First Century, and her best-selling book is Sabbath-Keeping: Finding Freedom in the Rhythms of Rest. You can see her many other book titles here, along with her Bible study guides.

Lynne recently spoke on "Spiritual Practices for Preachers" (recorded as a video on YouTube). The talk is relevant to anyone in ministry and focuses on how to draw near to God simply as a child of God as well as engaging in spiritual practices for the sake of ministry.

Here are two talks Lynne gave on listening (recorded in audio form on YouTube): Listening for Mission and Ministry and Why Listening Matters for Mission and Ministry.

Lynne preached recently on Reverent Submission, trying to reclaim the word "submission," which has a bad rap in our time. 

Soon before she left her position in New Zealand as senior lecturer in pastoral theology, Lynne recorded a one-minute video for her departmental website describing what's most important to her in her writing and teaching.

"Lynne's writing is beautiful. Her tone has such a note of hope and excitement about growth. It is gentle and affirming."
— a reader

"Dear Dr. Baab, You changed my life. It is only through God’s gift of the sabbath that I feel in my heart and soul that God loves me apart from anything I do."
— a reader of Sabbath Keeping