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Quotations I love: Disenfranchised grief

Lynne Baab • Thursday April 1 2021

Last week I had a delightful conversation with a retired minister. We talked about patterns of aging, and she mentioned something she has observed. As people get older, they experience fear and anxiety about what’s happening to them. Then they default into the patterns that have helped them cope with anxiety in the past. She sees increased attempts to control as a primary coping strategy. I also see denial, forced optimism, alcohol, etc.

As she was talking, I remembered an article I recently read about disenfranchised grief, forms of grief that aren’t validated by the people around us or that we don’t...

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Quotations I love: P. D. James on pain and love

Lynne Baab • Tuesday February 23 2021

“The world is a beautiful and terrible place. Deeds of horror are committed every minute and in the end those we love die. If the screams of all earth’s living creatures were one scream of pain, surely it would shake the stars. But we have love. It may seem a frail defence against the horrors of the world, but we must hold fast and believe in it, for it is all that we have.” —P. D. James (1920-2014)

These are the last four sentences of P. D. James’s last book, The Private Patient, published in 2008. The setting...

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Reflections on six months of sheltering in place

Lynne Baab • Wednesday September 2 2020

On March 2, an epidemiologist friend contacted my husband Dave and me to say that we needed to start staying at home because of this new virus and Dave’s chronic lung disease. I spent a three days out and about doing a few last things, so the exact six month anniversary varies between Dave and me.

I stayed home almost completely for 4 months except for bicycle rides. In the past two months, since masks have been required in Washington State, I’ve been to the grocery store about six times and the big-box home improvement store about four times. We’ve sat outside...

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Grief AND thankfulness: What I learned from writing this series

Lynne Baab • Thursday February 13 2020

My husband Dave and I were talking about this series of blog posts, and he said, “You know, every single day there are things I grieve and things I’m thankful for. . . . Every day.” I agreed with him, and then I began wondering, why does this feel so revolutionary?

This series of posts has revealed my deep-seated adoption of a set of values – from my parents and from the wider culture – that have been destructive to me. My thinking has been skewed my whole life. I truly believed my parents’ approach to life: if you do things right,...

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